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Life…

11 Apr

Hello everyone,

I haven’t been on here for a while and I have a good reason… Basically I am dying.. Yep you read that right, the Dr said I have about 2 years or less. We are trying to get hospice and other thing’s set up at home to help me and Ray until the end. I have stopped taking the methotrexate and the steroids even through my drs begged me to give it another try. She said maybe in a year or so a new medication might come out that will help.. I said no, I can’t do this anymore.. I hated what the steroids did to me. They changed my whole personality, and it showed in some of my past blogs post’s. All I know to say about that is I am truly sorry about all of it. I have tried for 6 years to fight this disease that has taken so much from me. The methotrexate started to kill of my liver so I had to stop taking it. I do have a few bucket list wishes and I hope I can accomplish them. 1 is to try all of Baskin Robbins ice cream flavors and so far I have tried 4 of them, and I think it will be easy to accomplish this wish! Lol! Since I love ice cream! I have some other wishes, but I can’t talk about them on here now. Later in the summer I can, if I make it that long. You see I no longer can drive, I have no feeling in my feet and up my legs away’s, nor do I have feeling in my hands. I can still write here, I just can’t feel the keys. I sleep a lot, since I am so tired all the time. I haven’t been able to do a lot of thing’s. I no longer make cakes for the charity and I really miss it, I wonder if they miss me? I had to leave my fair job, plus volunteering for the U of I food safety program. Do you think a person’s life matter’s if they can longer do the thing’s they loved or God called them to do? I wonder about that a lot…I wonder if anyone will even miss me when I am gone, or if they even miss me now? I’m sorry if I sound sad, I guess I am. I won’t even make it to my 40th birthday. At times like this you start thinking about where am I going from here? And I do know my home is in Heaven with Jesus. Since I knew what was coming I started being a bit more bold about my beliefs on FB and well it has cost me a lot of friends. People who say they care about you but when it really matters leave you. I guess they we not true friends? Or maybe they didn’t like thinking about what happens after we leave this life? People you have an eternal soul, and there are only 2 roads we travel on. The wide path to Hell that leads to death, or the narrow road that leads to Life. Where will you go? Salvation only come’s from having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and His Truth and Life can be found in the Holy Bible. Satan will lie to you and say you don’t need Jesus that there are many paths to your god or god’s. Satan is a LIAR! He will tell you what you want to hear. My biggest wish is for every one of my family and friends finds Jesus and learns the TRUTH! I want to see you all in Heaven! I don’t know what people will say about me when I am gone? All I hope they will say is that she loved Jesus and her life showed it, that’s what I hope for…

Mandy…

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Posted by on April 11, 2013 in My Thoughts, Uncategorized

 

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